


So we Have Had a Misadventure or Two

by chococharas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), Earth C but better, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, No Epilogues, Not Canon Compliant, School Idol AU, Slice of Life, Trolls (Homestuck), we have surpassed the need for epilogues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chococharas/pseuds/chococharas
Summary: The Homestuck kids and the 3 remaining trolls ended their story at act 7. In a mostly slice-of-life like story I am going to fix these fuckers lives and make them live good lives instead of fucking hell. They're school idols and they have no fucking clue what they are doing.
Relationships: Dirk Strider/Jake English, Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, June Egbert/Terezi Pyrope/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. What the fuck are Dirk and June Doing with their Lives

**Author's Note:**

> i am literally having so much fun with this

Now, Dirk Strider? He doesn't have a damn clue what the hell he's doing. Now, June Egbert? It's the exact same goddamn situation would you look at that. Now if you'd take a nice hot second and bathe in the glory of, canon doesn't exist and this exact fucking thing is canon right fucking now, you'll see that these two pals aren't wrapped up in some murderous universe or one that's just batshit insane, they're just School Idols after all. They're on Earth C, but a better Earth C. Of course, right about this moment, Dirk and June are having a nice chat. Or so, it'd probably be nice if they weren't currently running, and have been running for 2 hours now because Dave said "Fuck them", actually.

JUNE: hey uh i gotta ask now... why did we agree to this? :c  
DIRK: Listen, I don't fucking know, I think he forced us to I do not remember.  
JUNE: ok but this is dumb! we cannot possibly just have to do this right?  
DIRK: To be fair he might have intended for us to stop by now, he didn't specify.  
JUNE: d-did he?  
DIRK: You don't fucking mean you weren't listening either.  
JUNE: er...  
DIRK: June. I told you to fucking listen to Dave today while I was fixating on God knows what shit.  
DIRK: Did I not?  
JUNE: no, you did. i just didn't listen to you.  
DIRK: We have been running for two motherfucking hours.  
DIRK: And you mean to tell me he might have intended for us to stop?  
JUNE: yes.  


To this dumbass realization, the newfound himbo and bimbo supersquad rushes back to the group's meeting place.

DAVE: hey where the fuck were you i told you to be gone for 30 minutes  
DIRK: June.  
JUNE: dirk.  
DAVE: which one of you fucks didnt listen and why  


To this, they point at each other. This isn't a lie, but they sure think they're gonna get somewhere with it. Dave scowls and pushes his dark hair behind his ear.

ROSE: Hm yes, I hate to interrupt the new and improved Fight Club I expect to be forming momentarily at this newfound accusation, but we need to practice.  
ROXY: haha yea but we only have like. an hour left to do shit because were surrounded by dumb fucks  
DIRK: I concur, June is a dumb fuck.  
JUNE: you werent listening either!  
DIRK: The difference is I told you I wasn't going to and yet here the fuck we are.  
DIRK: We ran for an hour and a half more than Dave told us to.  
KARKAT: YES YOU FUCKING DID NOW CAN WE GET ON WITH IT? WE'RE NEVER GONNA PREPARE IN FUCKING TIME IF WE DON'T GET ON WITH IT.  
JAKE: I dont know if you know this lad but those two probably arent in shape to practice at all.  
JANE: Gosh, at this rate we should just practice tomorrow then since we don't have anything to do. :B  
JADE: wouldn't that be a lil counterproductive though? we already got all this practice in without them :(  
ROSE: As much as I'd like to say yes, I agree with Jake and Jane.  
JUNE: nah i'm pretty set if you guys are alright with still going for like an hour!  
DIRK: It's good enough really, we just gotta do this shit.  


June took the center position in their line of nine, with Dave and Dirk at her side. As they danced and sang for the final time before they'd take the stage live in front of a large portion of their city in Earth C, time passed insanely quickly for them. In this particular timeline, they all live together in a rather large apartment in an urban area of what used to be Japan in the original Earth. At the end of their hour, they all sat and took a rest.

JUNE: hey isn't it about time we head home?  
DAVE: yeah but like can we stop somewhere and get some fucking food first im fucking hungry as that dipshit on tv last week  
DIRK: The one in the eating contest...?  
DAVE: oh i just thought he really wanted all that shit  
JUNE: dave i am going to shove your face in the mud sometime.  
JUNE: you yell at me for not listening too!  
DAVE: yes, because at least i dont run for 2 hours  
ROXY: yea u run for like zero  
ROSE: I could always tell him to run for 3 and yell "Go white boy, go!"  
DAVE: but im not white  
ROSE: No but I'm going to yell it anyways.  
DAVE: is that a threat  
DAVE: it feels like a threat  
JUNE: yeah it is a threat get running white boy.  
DIRK: Well should we go somewhere fancy after tomorrow? I know it's not tonight, but after tomorrow I think we'll need a nice celebration.  
JANE: Yeah it sounds like a great idea! I gotta say though we've went so many places haven't we been nigh everywhere?  
JUNE: "nigh"  
JUNE: taking wordical inspiration from dirk i see.  
ROSE: Wordical?  
JUNE: fuck you i'm tired so its my time on the dictionary making!  
ROSE: Ah yes.  
ROSE: Like when Roxy made cweickchsjks a word.  
ROXY: ok listen the fuck here i like watching poor poor innocent citizens tryna say cweickchsjks  
KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH WHY DID ANY OF US GET ACCESS TO THE DICTIONARY.  
DIRK: I wanted to make it completely out of alphabetical order.  
DIRK: They didn't let me do that so I instead opted to make "dick" have an alternate definition of "Dirk Strider".  
DAVE: haha just you wait until i get my hands on the next one  
JAKE: I would like to make a few vital changes  
DIRK: If you make hootenanny a real word in this current fucking dictionary of this day and age I will press charges.  
JAKE: .  
JAKE: You just don't understand that sometimes a fella needs to use hootenanny  
JUNE: in what universe has anyone ever used hootenanny?  
ROSE: Shush June, the children are bickering.  
JANE: If Jake makes it a word I may actually use it. :B  
JUNE: jane.  
JANE: Yes?  
JUNE: im disowning you.  
JADE: why use old-timey words when you can use fun ones?  
JADE: like uh! uh! :(  
JADE: i need sleep  


As the group made their way home, they stopped at a McDonald's, despite Rose's blatant opposition. Dave also opted to stop at a coffee shop and buy a caramel frappucino and a few doughnuts. With much encouragement, Rose and Jane managed to finally lead the group along, and they made their way home. Their house was large, previously a boarding home which was fixed up to make a nice living home. It housed 10 bedrooms, a few of which were empty, but it was the most ideal for them to move into after Earth C's creation.


	2. Fuck This Fucking Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos

Ah, the oh-so desired return of the himbo and bimbo supersquad. Desired by maybe a few people, but that doesn't matter. So, where the fuck are we? We are with June, Dirk, and the limited-edition Jake English.

JUNE: hrrngh.  
DIRK: What the fuck is wrong this time?  
JUNE: i wanna watch a movie!  


Dirks eyes widen greatly as Jake's head pops up from its previous position of lying on the floor, to the couch beside Dirk's soft orange pajama pants. His eyes are covered by his coily hair, but Dirk can tell what this bitch wants.

JAKE: Which one june i can pick any  
JUNE: whats that one you talk about all the time...  
JUNE: a-  
DIRK: Don't say it.  
DIRK: Don't you fucking say it.  
JUNE: ava-  
DIRK: Your death is going to be in 47 seconds what are your final words?  
JUNE: avaaaaaat-  
DIRK: Fuck you fuck you fuck you my moirail, you, is going to be dying in a second and it's her own fault.  
DIRK: They will not find her corpse.  
JUNE: avatar!  
JAKE: :D  
JAKE: I can do that for you  
DIRK: Wait, no don't.  
JAKE: Dont be upstage dirk let her enjoy whatever she wants  
DIRK: Anything but that, please anything but that.  
JAKE: You  
JAKE: You havent ever watched it have you  
JAKE: Dirk  
DIRK: Shut up I do what I please.  
JAKE: Oh tell it to sweeny  
JAKE: You are watching this damn movie  
JAKE: And you are going to like it  
JUNE: ehehe c:  
JUNE: thx jake you showed him  
DIRK: Fuck.  


To this, Jake gets up and makes June force Dirk to sit on the couch with wind pressure and her own weight. Jake returns and puts the movie in the DVD player, returning to the couch he sits on one side of Dirk whilst June sits on the other. Dirk doesn't seem pleased, but he believes he's complained enough. He doesn't want to genuinely upset his moirail or his boyfriend, so what else can he really do?  
After what feels like 6 hours to Dirk, but feels far too short to June and Jake, the movie ends. They sit for a moment in silence until a... familiar voice pops out from behind the couch.

DAVE: the fuck was that  
JUNE: dave??????????  
DAVE: oh yeah ive been here lmao  
JUNE: fuck  
DIRK: You could've sat with us you know.  
DAVE: nah i used to kneel to watch movies without bro knowing all the time  
DAVE: im used to it enough  
JAKE: I don't suppose thats good though  
DAVE: well, no  
DAVE: but  
JUNE: :c  
JAKE: Well i kind of want to watch another  
DAVE: no  
DIRK: I'm leaving too.  
JAKE: What about you june  
JUNE: june is asleep.  
JAKE: Oh  
JAKE: WAIT.  


But June could not wait, for she was already gone.


	3. Where Are We Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos 2: Guardians Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June's dads name is Jaye I've decided!! Also Alpha June is trans.

How many more times can we keep going on like this? See, you may wonder this, but I'll keep giving you this on and on until I can get the plot to kick in. Until then, why don't we head to another place? These people have the same names as our normal cast, and hell, they look the same, but they're older, more dead, and have just happened to raise the humans of this dead cast.

ROXY: yawnnnnnn how much longer we gotta put up with this  
ROSE: However long we must.  
ROSE: What I wonder more is how much longer your whining will persist.  
ROXY: hey listen the fuck here  
ROXY: i stopped what u needed me to  
ROXY: i can b a bit childish if i wanna b  
ROSE: Sure.  
DAVE: ok yeah lmao but  
DAVE: you dont seem like  
DAVE: as concerned about meeting her as  
DAVE: yknow  
ROSE: That's not the case!  
ROSE: I'm just...  
ROSE: Tired.  
DAVE: mhm  
DAVE: listen when it comes to it you wont be  
DIRK: really now? that's just how it is?  
DIRK: that simple?  
DAVE: shut the fuck up bitch boy  
DAVE: i didnt ask for your opinion  
DIRK: sigh.  
JAYE: Iiiiiiiii'd say Dave's right  
JAYE: No one here asked after all  
DAVE: hell yeah im right  
JAYE: :D  
JUNE: :o  
JUNE: are we seriously gonna be able to meet them?  
ROSE: Hypothetically, yes!  
ROXY: ayyy theres tha excitement  
JAKE: Yes alright but  
JAKE: Who the fucks getting us there  
JAKE: Do you know how much power that takes?  
JANE: Of course we do!  
JANE: But somehow this is going to work out!  
JANE: I absolutely assure it!  
ROXY: if we dont then  
ROXY: damn i  
ROXY: kinda really wanna apologize to her somehow  
DIRK: ...  
ROXY: u say smthn dirk?  
DIRK: its nothing.  
JADE: yeah yeah theres no way in hell im letting this fail!!  
JADE: i am on the path to ensure we make it  
JADE: no matter what B)  
DAVE: yooooooooooo B)  
JAYE: B)  
JUNE: what the heck...  


The hours pass by, the group keeps working and toiling away to hatch a plan that can allow them to meet up on the new Earth, the one that they've never gotten to see. The one that their children have made and worked harder than ever imagined to make amazing. The last amount of blue light fades from the stained glass above their door, as the evening turns to night.


	4. The Downtown Coffee Shop Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos

ROSE: Checkmate.  


Rose dramatically points at her brother's boyfriend and grins.

ROSE: So, Jake English how do you feel being bested at your own game?  
JAKE: Ah  
JAKE: But i havent been.  


Jake then even more dramatically... kicks a soccerball? What the fuck are these two doing? Upon further inspection, you, the reader realize that neither of these kids ever learned to play a sport in their life and live such a sad existence they are using chess terms while playing soccer in a baseball field.

ROSE: This.  
ROSE: I think I must take an L here this is completely boring.  
JAKE: Sadly i cannot disagree with you miss lalonde.  
JAKE: Though  
JAKE: What else can we possibly do?  
ROSE: I... don't know.  
ROSE: I heard there's a nice coffee shop down near the subway station, perhaps I should treat you to a gift.  
JAKE: I assure you thats not necessary  
ROSE: Nah, I seriously need the energy anyways.  
JAKE: Then i suppose if you insist!  
ROSE: (Didn't you change your mind rather quickly...?)  
ROSE: Then let us go.  


The unseemly duo treks through the grass and up over a hill that returns them to normal city life. The road ahead of them leads to a center street in a city which used to be the same area in which Tokyo stood. They find their way to a sidewalk which connects to the quiet back alley near the train station they use daily to navigate their way to home and various other places. After around 5 minutes, they arrive at the shop Rose mentioned. Here, however, they find something rather unexpected.

DIRK: Ah, I'll be there in a minute!  
DIRK: I'm very sorry things are decently busy today, now what may I get...  


He trails off as he looks up, his eyes widen and he grimaces slightly.

DIRK: What are...  
DIRK: You two doing here?  
ROSE: Well see we decided to have an English and Lalonde bonding trip which overall didn't go as either of us planned.  
ROSE: So since I know he and I both like coffee, I decided to stop here since I'd heard about it.  
JAKE: Mhm!  


Dirk lets out a quiet sigh and then smiles. He knows he has to serve them, besides, they're his friends. He may as well serve them something nice. He smooths his apron.

DIRK: Then what can I get you?  
ROSE: I don't have any specific tastes but may I have something slightly bitter?  
JAKE: On the contrary to her can i have something extra sweetened up?  
DIRK: Yes and yes. You two have surprisingly simplistic orders compared to nearly everyone who's been here today.  
DIRK: God I think I should be glad.  
DIRK: Just take a seat at the free booth and chill out, I'll get your stuff ready.  


Rose and Jake do as he says, but decide to attempt at a conversation between themselves until Dirk comes back. As much as the pair doesn't have in common, they somehow manage to find a few attributes in which they seem to share and talk on the topic for as long as they can. Rose's snarky remarks make Jake more fired up, so there's not any lack of amusement for her.

DIRK: Alright.  
DIRK: Here's something for both of ya.  
DIRK: You better like it, I put more time into it than I've been today since I actually know you guys.  
ROSE: Don't you have regulars?  
DIRK: Well yeah, I put some extra effort into theirs too.  
DIRK: Shouldn't disappoint them.  
JAKE: Then we should be going.  
JAKE: ...right?  
ROSE: Yeah, I'd like to see Kanaya and Terezi.  
JAKE: Right!  
JAKE: Then i'll see you after you get home dirk!  


Dirk smiles and waves goodbye to him. Rose and Jake depart in the station, for they aim to go to separate places, and their days continue just as an average one tends to.


End file.
